Anticipation = Happiness

The white ones are Duchess de Nemours peonies. I don't remember the name of the pink ones.
The white ones are Duchess de Nemours peonies.

I’ve noticed that some of the things we treasure most are those that we have to wait for the longest and those that are gone quickly. I’m thinking of things like blazing fall foliage or colorful migrating songbirds.  While anticipation of something special can be difficult to endure, it also makes the thing itself even more special when it finally arrives. I’ve come to realize that having something to look forward to is a key ingredient in a happy life. There have been times when I noticed that I had nothing on my calendar that I was excited about, and that’s an uncomfortable feeling. Lately I’m trying to be conscious of that fact so that I make sure to always have something to look forward to, whether it’s some milestone in the natural world or some kind of social event with friends.

Duchesse de Nemours Peonies at my former home
Duchess de Nemours Peonies at my former home

A few years ago I planted several Duchess de Nemours peonies outside my kitchen window in memory of my grandma, and their brief bloom time became something I eagerly awaited.  I began thinking about those flowers the moment the ground was free of snow each year, when their bloom was still months away. In May I watched anxiously as the plants began to pop up out of the ground. Then I watched impatiently throughout the month as the plants got bigger and bigger, and then the big buds swelled day by day. Then, finally, the flowers burst open in early June, flinging their heady aroma into the air.

But the peony treasure only lasts a short time before those fragrant petals fall to the ground, leaving me to enjoy them only in memory until next year. So I take every opportunity to stick my nose in them while they’re here, even collecting the fallen petals to pile in small dishes around the house for a while longer.

Collage of tinted peoniesBesides the peonies being in bloom, I’ve got some other amazing things happening in my life right now. I’m anticipating a move to a beautiful little house, a relocation back to Ohio, and a job that is so incredibly perfect for me that I keep thinking I’m going to wake up and find out I’ve been dreaming. Even though sometimes I didn’t believe it would be worth it to go through all the pain of the past nine months, it turns out that it was. I feel proud of myself for doing all the work to get my head on straight and to begin healing from the divorce. I feel stronger emotionally than I’ve felt for a very long time, and I know I’m on the right path, finally. Life is good.

I’m so grateful to all of you who have supported me in my darker times, and I can’t wait to share more details with you over the coming months as I transition to life in my new home — where there will be peonies!

Expressing my happiness with magnetic poetry
Expressing my happiness with magnetic poetry


  1. I know it seems an eternity to you… for all of this happiness to come around, but really, it hasn’t been all that long. You’ve done well – staying true to yourself and looking forward instead of in the past. You’re enjoying the moment… and that is where happiness is anyway. It’s here and now and look at you! I’m proud of you Kim. 🙂 It’s so good to see you happy and enjoying life!

    By the way, one of my grandmother’s had peonies and I have planted some here in memory of her. This year they no more than bloomed – grandest blooms ever – and the rains came, bringing the big, heavy blossoms down to the ground. Ah well, that’s life. Next year I’ll enjoy them again.


    • Yep, those heavy flowers seem to spend more time on the ground than standing upright! When I was feeling very ambitious I used to stake each stem individually, but more often than not I would just start clipping some of the heavier ones to bring indoors.

      And as for how long it’s been for me to finally be happy…you’re right, it hasn’t been all that long since the divorce. But I was miserable for many years before that. So it really does seem like an eternity to me. So much so that I’m sort of dumbfounded at feeling happy…I forgot what it was like!

      I hope you’ve got the next installment about Daisy’s babies coming soon….I’m anxious to hear how they’re progressing.


  2. It is so good to know you are happy and good things are coming your way Kim! You deserve the happiness!! We love you sweet daughter! Mom and Dad too


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