The Power of One Little Flower

Black-capped Chickadee in my yard

Black-capped Chickadee

Well, I did it! I’ve been in my new house for 9 days now. I’m still trying to find places for some of my stuff in this smaller space, but overall the place feels like home now. I’ve got my artwork on the walls and most of the boxes are unpacked. I’ve cooked meals here. Each day I have fewer instances of having to open multiple cabinets to find what I’m looking for. Even half asleep in the predawn hours, I can successfully navigate the now-familiar path from the bedroom to the kitchen to feed the insistent cats.

I’ve started a new Yard List to record the birds that visit my yard. I’m up to 17 species so far, and am excited about what spring migration might bring.

something-to-look-forward-to-594x800Back in October I told you about my efforts to keep my life interesting by always having something planned that I could look forward to.  Using that as a sort of motto has kept me from becoming complacent and taking anything for granted. I’ve worked hard to keep in touch with friends and nurture the relationships that bring joy to my life. And during the past two months, my life has been consumed with the myriad details of the move, so I haven’t had to try hard to have things to look forward to.

But as I get my new house in order and life starts to settle back into a more normal routine,  I’m sensing that I need to redouble my focus on that motto. I’m in a new city where I don’t yet have any friends, and I’m feeling lonely. I know this will pass, but I have to acknowledge the little bits of anxiety about my new life. For months I’ve been telling myself, “When I get moved I’m going to get involved in lots of activities and meet people and all will be fine.” And that was a great confidence-builder as I looked forward to the move. But now I’m here and it’s time for the rubber to hit the road, so to speak. It’s time to take the difficult steps of finding things to get involved with, and reaching out to people who might become friends. I’m making progress, but it’s all a bit scary, if I’m being honest. In my darker moments, I succumb to the fear of rejection, failure, and continued loneliness. But I’m not letting those thoughts stop me from getting out there.

Squirrel in my tree (759x800)

Fox Squirrel eyeing the new human

European Starling in my yard (800x590) (2)

European Starling eyeing the Fox Squirrel

Today I had a moment that I think was cathartic. I’d been feeling a tightness in my throat all day, as if I needed to cry. I thought it was because I’d read a news report that upset me. So I kept myself busy, hoping the need-to-cry feeling would go away.

After eating dinner, I sat down in the living room to write and happened to glance out the front window. And I saw this tiny yellow flower that had just opened, and I started crying. It’s cliché, I know, but I was struck by the symbolism of a flower rising from the ground in the spring after being dormant all winter. I see my own life as a parallel to the life of that beautiful little flower, and it gives me confidence that I too am going to stand up and tilt my face to the sun. And I will make new friends and have a happy and fulfilling life here.

Miniature daffodil in my yard (697x800)

I think this must be a miniature daffodil — I’ve never seen them this small before.

Isn’t it funny how someone can get such hope from a tiny yellow flower?

I’m remembering now that this is partly why I’ve always loved growing perennials–seeing them wilt in the fall and then come back in the spring after resting in the earth through the winter. To an observer who doesn’t know what’s happening inside the plants, they appear to be dying. But they just need that period of dormancy to regenerate and prepare for the next phase of life, when they’ll show their beauty again.  So maybe I’m like a daffodil or crocus, just trying to push through the mulch so I can reach the sun again.

Yeah, I like that.

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16 Responses to The Power of One Little Flower

  1. Spring forth! Spring is about rebirth.

  2. Patricia Clair says:

    I like your post Kim! Wish I could get one of my flowers to come up-think they got frozen down here!

  3. kristieinbc says:

    I’m so happy for you! Getting unpacked after a move is a major accomplishment. I hope you are able to savour the coming year. Each month and season will bring something new. Be patient and give yourself time, and I’m sure the “new” will include great friends and interesting activities.

    • Kim Smith says:

      Oh Kristie, I’m so glad to see you here. I was just thinking of you today, in fact. Thanks so much for the encouragement. And a belated happy birthday to you!

  4. Robert Weir says:

    I’m loving your posts here and on Facebook as you walk new steps in your life. You express yourself beautifully, and you are never more than a keystroke away. Bloom away, my friend.

    • Kim Smith says:

      Thank you, Rob! I feel so grateful to have you in my corner, especially in the past couple of years as I’ve started over not once but twice. Let’s hope this is the last time. I really want to put down roots and make a good life here.

  5. trudyjohnson says:

    Spring . . . the season of hope even to this one in the late autumn of life! Enjoy your new home.

  6. Littlesundog says:

    I, like you, Kim, notice the little things out there… all of it really speaks to me in some way. It is a wonderful connection with all of life, and I believe those who are open to the messages or see purpose in everything are the ones who feel deeply and passionately, and often, find tears of emotion. It is all a blessing, and a part of growth. The tiniest flowers are so much like ourselves… brave, courageous, and out there in some tough elements, willing survival.

  7. Wild Child says:

    Crying actually releases anti-depressant hormones. I never resist crying. Just in public. 😉

    • Wild Child says:

      You are so beautifully brave, BTW.

      • Kim Smith says:

        Yes, Diana, crying definitely has physical as well as emotional benefits. I always feel so much better after a good cry, when all the stress just drains out of my body. Thank you for the kind remark about being brave, and for reading my blog. You have a beautiful website, BTW.

  8. Sharee says:

    I always feel you are talking directly to me. You are so brave and have show much to share with us. There are always signs we just have to see them and you do. You are better than Ok, you are blossoming where you are planted, what a wonderful life! Thank you for this post!

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