Today I went back to my blog archives to see what I was writing about in December of last year, just to see if things seemed different this year. I was surprised to find that I’d only blogged one time the entire month. This is my second post for December this year, so I’m thinking that must mean I’m feeling better than last year.
In that single post on December 15, 2011, I wrote about my fears of the coming winter, or “dark season” as I called it. As it turned out, my fears were pointless. The weather was very mild all winter long. I spent lots of time birding and breathing fresh air in the winter, thanks in part to the unusual presence of Snowy Owls here in lower Michigan. And I’m sure my supplemental 5000 units of Vitamin D each day didn’t hurt. (My doctor actually told me that she has successfully transitioned many of her patients from antidepressants to this Vitamin D regimen. It has worked wonders for me — at least as long as I remember to take it every day.)
I also wrote last December of wanting to do some painting in the house. Surprisingly, I actually did. Here’s my freshly-painted laundry room after I finally painted it in June. I love this cheerful color every time I go in there.
I also painted our guest bathroom upstairs, after five years of hating it. And I hope to do another painting job this winter — our living room desperately needs to be brightened up.
The last thing I talked about in that post was my ambivalence about continuing my blog:
“I’m sort of questioning the whole reason for this particular writing outlet. I love the writing, but since I don’t draw much of an audience here, I might as well just write for myself. There’s something depressing about publishing your work and not getting any response.”
I thought I was over all that, but if you remember, just a couple weeks ago I wrote something very similar as my explanation for leaving the-social-media-site-which-will-not-be-named. Clearly it’s important to me to get feedback from other people when I write something! I’ve tried to analyze why I have this need, and I always come up with two possibilities: Either I crave attention for its own sake or I’m seeking connection with other people. I honestly don’t think I’m desperate for attention, but I do believe I’m trying to find common ground with other people through my writing.
My life has become a bit too isolated for my liking lately. I’m not working anymore, I don’t have any local friends I see regularly, my best friend is 200 miles away, and my family is 300 miles away. It’s uncomfortable to admit this, but my husband is my sole social support most of the time. He does his best to deal with my need to talk talk talk, but I feel it’s asking too much of him sometimes. I can go for long periods and be perfectly happy with my solitary pursuits, but I don’t think it’s healthy to be alone so much. So I need to get motivated to go out and meet people around here, but in the meantime I like to interact in the blogosphere.
I’m glad I didn’t give up blogging, but I still feel that I want to make my posts more useful to my readers. My biggest worry about what I write is that I mostly just recite facts about where I went and what I saw or did. There’s not been much attempt to find larger meaning in my experiences so others can relate, whatever their particular interests may be. So that’s what I hope to work on for the coming year.
After all, that’s the reason I end up subscribing to other people’s blogs — they somehow make me feel that I’m not alone in my feelings, that we’re all in this life together, making our way the best we can, and hopefully providing some benefit to others in the process.
(Oh, that reminds me. I find great inspiration from well-written blogs about all aspects of nature, so I’d love to hear from you if you know of a blog you think I’d like to read.)